OK so last night I watched the director’s cut of Oliver Stones “JFK” for the first time and while I have always basically understood the whole military-industrial-complex-driven Kennedy assassination theory, the movie did a fantastic job at explaining it out in painstaking detail, thus setting my mind-cogs spinning. The whole Lee Harvey Oswald as lone gunman story really is ridiculous, and while I may not believe Lyndon Johnson was at the center of a coup d’etat or that JFK was a peaceful, honest man of great vision, I do think that the Vietnam-connection is entirely realistic. Soviets or Cubans wouldn’t do it, it had to be an inside job or extra-terrestrial.

So while on a wave of paranoia and intrigue, here are some other conspiracy theories of mine that are completely true:

• UFOs are real. Yes, many people who see them and claim to be “abducted” are just nuts or attention-starved, but there are certainly unexplained paranormal activities that are witnessed by tens or hundreds of people at a time. Whether they are alien flying saucers or just secret government experiments, I do believe that there are things going on that the government does not want us to know. Flying, spinning things.
• Marijuana as crowd control. If pot is so harmless why won’t the government legalize it? Because if smoking pot is the biggest act of rebellion a person commits, then the government doesn’t have to worry about any actual acts of rebellion. And if a person, or whole culture, dedicates all their efforts to trying to make pot legal, or feels self-satisfied that they are making a statement and getting away with something by smoking pot, then the government really does have nothing to worry about.
• Cell-phone and computer clock time manipulation. In the past ten to fifteen years the cell phone has slowly replaced the watches and smaller clocks or much of the population. This is all fine and dandy because the cell phone always keeps perfect time – we never have to think about cell phone time being off thanks to its connection to the phone companies’ clocks. But if we’re all getting our time from remote time-sources, than we’re all subject to time manipulation. I’m not saying we’re under that manipulation right now, but should the government or Sprint or whoever decide that they need to shorten our hours, they’ll have the means to do so. Feel like your Monday is crawling by? We could be working longer days than we know because the recorded seconds are being made longer. The same with our computers, man.
• Trader Joe’s is airplane food. How is Trader Joe’s so cheap and definitely kind-of good without being all that good? Would Trader Joe’s be good even if it wasn’t so cheap? No. It’s just airplane food, and airplane food is only OK because we’re on a plane when we eat it.

KEEP WATCHING THE SKIES