Growing up there was a dichotomy between the presents I wanted and those that I actually got at birthday parties. Other kids (or their parents at least) seemed to get me the “arty kid” presents, while, at other parties, the “regular kids” got rad action figures and video games. Maybe I was a pretentious eight year old that deserved to be stuck with the educational and crafty gifts (I’m not going to put judgment on that) but all I really wanted was something, anything that could fire missles.

Too illustrate my point, let us take a look back at some of the notorious gifts of birthday parties past and how they stacked against actually cool toys:

Mancala vs ExoSquad

Mancala is a counting-based board game that has its roots in Arabic and African history. Back in the 1990’s, I must have been given at least five mancala sets, and I am positive they are all stacked together in a crawlspace in my haunted basement. Reading the Wikipedia entry on mancala revealed that the term “mancala” actually refers to a larger family of counting or “sowing” games, and that the game referred to as mancala in America is actually known as kalah. The object of the game is to capture more “seeds” (the colorful glass beads) than your opponent. You do this by ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Is it any wonder that a seven year old boy would be disappointed to recieve a mancala set on his birthday? Now an Exosquad toy, THAT is a birthday present. Based on the 1993-1994 animated TV show that detailed the war between humans and their rebellious genetic creations, the Neosapiens, the Exosquad toys were excellent (or was the TV based on the selling toys..whatever, the show ruled too). Each set was basically like combining a 3 3/4 inch GI Joe-figure with a Transformer that it could ride around in – except that it didn’t transform or talk, but had way more spring-loaded missles in each arm than on a Transformers whole body. Exosquad is one of the last great, original toy lines. Overly complicated mecha made out of cheap plastic is what the kids want!

So in summary:

Mancala

Pros

• cultural ties to Africa, Middle East
• learn to count? i forget

Cons

• boring
• cheap-ass: just wood and colored glass

ExoSquad

Pros

• cultural ties to Mars, Neosapiens
• two toys in one
• many missles
• compelling universe, stories
• colorful, kids go “WOAH” at birthday party

Cons

• None

Winner: Exosquad

Lesson: Parents, please buy what a kid wants, not what the guy at the “independent toy store” convinces you is good for them.