Chronological release order OHHHHHH:

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Award: The 2009 Love Guru Certificate for Memorable Awfulness
Yes: Parts of the film seemed like they were reaching for goodness, spinning cyclops-beam head destroying nuclear cooling tower, CGI Patrick Stewart
No: Worst CGI effects and action in a theatrically released film since 1995, felt as coherent as a Sega CD full-motion-video video game, CGI Patrick Stewart
2.5/10

Star Trek
Award: Most Anticipated (2007)
Yes: Great characterizations of Bones, Scotty, Spock, surprisingly exciting orbital jump scene, some great CG space battles
No: Too complicated and faithful for non-Star Trek fans, too retarded and pandering for Star Trek fans, Leonard Nimoy’s dentures, Kirk is a fuck
6.5/10

Terminator Salvation
Award: Most Disappointing
Yes: Sam Worthington proves his “worth” (LMAOMG), bad-ass repelling down stuff, CGI Schwarzenegger
No: Christian Bale black hole acting, under-use of Michael Ironside, ending felt like the end of a M*A*S*H episode, not enough Terminator theme song, all the best parts were in the trailers in entirety, CGI Schwarzenegger
6.5/10

Pixar’s UP
Yes: Kevin, Doug, Ed Asner, adorable
No: Can’t say it was worth paying $5 extra to see in 3D
9/10

The Hangover
Yes: Everything Zach Galifianakis says/does, baby whacking off
No: Overall not that memorable
7/10

Drag Me to Hell
Award: Overall Funniest
Yes: Hilarious and scary, lots of bodily fluids and goops, genuinely upsetting ending, goat demons
No: Still haven’t seen Spider-Man 3
9/10

Transformers 2
Award: Overall Worst
Yes: Action scenes more comprehensible than Transformers 1
No: Shia Le Beuf, Beuf’s mom getting high, Megan Fox, old-man Transformer, robot balls, rampant racism, stupid plot, Megan Fox’s pet Decepticon, 8 hours long, looped references from off-screen characters about recession and swine flu
2/10

Harry Potter and the Half Bloof PrinceERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR<Input:HarryPotter_Sucks>ERROR

Funny People
Award: Robert Zdar Award for Most Distracting Blemish on Actor (Jonah Hill’s fucked up arms)
Yes: Eminem/Ray Romano confrontation, great fake Adam Sandler movies
No: No likable characters except Jonah Hill (what?!), too many penis jokes (huh??!), so long that if it was ever on VHS it would have to be on two cassettes
5/10

GI Joe
Yes: exciting and well-paced action set pieces, Sienna Miller is really hot, surprisingly brutal action and acting from Dennis Quaid, two awesome ninjas, Channing Tatum on a motorcycle at a funeral in the rain
No: maybe too many submarine’s exploding during finale
8/10

District 9
Yes: hilarious and awesome deaths via alien weapons, alien poop and pee, great acting from not entirely sympathetic main character, potential for interesting sequel
No: “documentary” aspects unnecessary and redundant
9/10

Ponyo
Yes: entirely likable and pleasant, colorful hand-drawn animation, hot mom
No: no real sense of conflict or urgency despite the world ending, baffling “mother’s milk” scene, some plot and ideas lost in translation
8/10

Inglourious Basterds
Award: Most Boring
Yes: brutal action scenes and death, very attractive women, alternate universe ending..
No: only 5 minutes of action in 155 minute long movie, the rest comprised of 6 or 7 long conversations each one involving a Nazi tricking another character into thinking they are being genial but really they aren’t, incessant and annoying references to film culture and history,
4/10

I didn’t miss ANYTHING

Can’t wait for the rest of 2009′s high profile films! Goodnight!